We had a nice insouciant New Years. We have joined the sanguine masses in a hopefully not-too-feckless ritual of creating a "New Years Resolution". Ours is probably among one of the most common, but our reasoning is probably fairly unique. We want to start living more healthfully for several reasons. One is that as Zach begins to consume more solid foods, he has quite expectedly started to want our food instead of baby food. In the hopes that he will develop eating habits that will help to ensure life long health, we have decided the best course of action is to lead by example. Another reason is that we would like to have another child someday, and although Preeclampsia has not been linked specifically to being overweight, I cannot get it out of my head that I would be less likely to get it again if I lost about 60lbs before getting pregnant. Even if research has not proved that being heavy plays a role in the course of the disease, I would feel like I had done my very best to prevent it if I had lost some weight before getting pregnant again. In addition, there are other benefits of reaching your optimal weight prior to conceiving. I haven't talked to a doctor about it, but if they were willing to let me try to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after Csection) despite my placental abruption, I tihnk the odds of it working out would be higher if I was lighter. Of course, there is the chance that since the placental abruption I had was so catastrophic, they will want to do a c section as soon as I am at 37 weeks. SO, to sum it all up, the benefits would be numerous in the next few years, as well as down the road some.
The real challenge for me will not be sticking to a diet, or motivating myself to exercise. Before I because pregnant with Zach, I was on a roll, I had lost 25-30 lbs and I was highly motivated. BUT I was also working a part time job, and I spent hours each week planning my meals, writing down every single thing I ate, going to weight watchers meetings and exercising a lot. NOW I barely have time to bruch my teeth at the end of the day. I am going to try my best though, to make the time for myself that I need. I got to go on a nice bike ride yesterday alone for almost an hour. It was great, especially since when I returned I learned that Zach only cried for about 2 minutes!! :)
There are some new things I am going to try. In an effort to increase the useablitly (is that a word?) of our prefold diapers I am going to make a pair of "longies" out of an old werino wool sweater. Longies, for those of you who don't speak cloth diapering slang, are a pair of wool pants that go directly over a cloth diaper and act as a cover. In the olden days, wool was often used as a cover because when properly lanolized, it is waterproof and antimicrobial. I found a pattern online that I am planning on using.
http://www.boiseclothdiapers.com/wool_longies_pattern.htm
I also crocheted my own diaper soaker, out of some pretty wool, that is a similar idea, but does not cover the legs like longies do. Another option I am looking into are fleece soakers, since I bought a large piece of fleece at the thrift store, and they are fairly easy to make since fleece does not have to be lanolized or washed a certain way, or hemmed when sewing. Now if only I had about 48 extra hours to do this all. I can dream right?
Pics will post at next nap!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Mei Tai got here!!!
It got here!! Yay yay yay!! I feel like jumping up and down!! I love, love. LOVE it! We practiced with it a little (two long walks) and took some pictures. I haven't figured out the back carry yet, but we're trying. I am so excited. AND doesn't Elliot look pretty hot with it on?
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
My hopes for Zach
Zach's first christmas present. He liked the paper the most.
There are so many things that I want in life for Zach, but the number one thing that I want for him is happiness. I want him to think back about his childhood fondly like I do.
There are a number of things from my early childhood that have stuck in my memory- playing in the backyard at 299 beiger Ave. (it was a great backyard), tye dying parties, bubble parties, teepee parties, tea parties (my mother was great at parties), putting on endless "shows" with my brother and cousins, trips to San Francisco at Christmas, trips to the Zoos and museums and sea world and disney land and around the whole US. I remember countless hours in the garden with my father, making many crafts with my mother, playing bears with my grandfather, making tamales and sopapillas with my greatgrandmother. I remember the way I used to walk to my grandma's house after school everyday, ring the doorbell, then press my nose onto the glass of the window by the door. She would walk down the hall, tap my nose, then open the door. I remember summer camp, and horse riding lessons, piano, voice, dance lessons, 4-H, going to the fair, the clubhouse and zipline in our backyard, as well as orange, lemon, grapefruit, fig trees perfect for climbing. I remember the wonder of watching a lamb being born and I remember loving every single animal we had on the farm. I remember skiing, and kyaking, and rafting and swim team.
I LOVED my family and my life. I had as close to the perfect childhood as one can hope for. How did my parents pack so much in when the days fly by like they do? I hope I can give Zach a childhood to remember as fondly.
I want him to be strong enough to survive whatever life dishes out to him, but sensitive to others around him, as well as his own feelings.I want him to know that love is wonderful, but that it doesn't mean it will always be easy to love someone. I want him to know that relationships take sacrifice and effort, but that they are worth it many times over in the joy and companionship the right person will bring to your life. I hope he will know that whoever he turns out to be, he will be special and valued as long as he values himself. I hope he does something with his life that will make him feel fulfilled and satisfied with his choices, even if that is something I would not have chosen for him. I hope he realizes early in life that money is only a means to an end, and not the end itself. I hope he knows that the most important thing in life is family and the ties that draw us closer over distance, time and differences. Speaking of differences, I want him to realize that differences are not grounds for fighting, hatred or incompatiabilities- they merely offer room for compromises and personal growth, as well as a deeper understanding of others. I know Zach will be smart and kind, but I also want him to realize that he owes no obligation to anyone to enter a certain profession- I want him to follow his heart and his dreams and aim for the stars, and realize that the impossible is attainable with enough work and heart.
I'm not going to lie and say I don't want him to have a family someday, because I do. But if he decides that he is happier without a wife (or husband!) and children, then I will understand and secretly hope that he will change his mind. :)
There are so many things that I want in life for Zach, but the number one thing that I want for him is happiness. I want him to think back about his childhood fondly like I do.
There are a number of things from my early childhood that have stuck in my memory- playing in the backyard at 299 beiger Ave. (it was a great backyard), tye dying parties, bubble parties, teepee parties, tea parties (my mother was great at parties), putting on endless "shows" with my brother and cousins, trips to San Francisco at Christmas, trips to the Zoos and museums and sea world and disney land and around the whole US. I remember countless hours in the garden with my father, making many crafts with my mother, playing bears with my grandfather, making tamales and sopapillas with my greatgrandmother. I remember the way I used to walk to my grandma's house after school everyday, ring the doorbell, then press my nose onto the glass of the window by the door. She would walk down the hall, tap my nose, then open the door. I remember summer camp, and horse riding lessons, piano, voice, dance lessons, 4-H, going to the fair, the clubhouse and zipline in our backyard, as well as orange, lemon, grapefruit, fig trees perfect for climbing. I remember the wonder of watching a lamb being born and I remember loving every single animal we had on the farm. I remember skiing, and kyaking, and rafting and swim team.
I LOVED my family and my life. I had as close to the perfect childhood as one can hope for. How did my parents pack so much in when the days fly by like they do? I hope I can give Zach a childhood to remember as fondly.
I want him to be strong enough to survive whatever life dishes out to him, but sensitive to others around him, as well as his own feelings.I want him to know that love is wonderful, but that it doesn't mean it will always be easy to love someone. I want him to know that relationships take sacrifice and effort, but that they are worth it many times over in the joy and companionship the right person will bring to your life. I hope he will know that whoever he turns out to be, he will be special and valued as long as he values himself. I hope he does something with his life that will make him feel fulfilled and satisfied with his choices, even if that is something I would not have chosen for him. I hope he realizes early in life that money is only a means to an end, and not the end itself. I hope he knows that the most important thing in life is family and the ties that draw us closer over distance, time and differences. Speaking of differences, I want him to realize that differences are not grounds for fighting, hatred or incompatiabilities- they merely offer room for compromises and personal growth, as well as a deeper understanding of others. I know Zach will be smart and kind, but I also want him to realize that he owes no obligation to anyone to enter a certain profession- I want him to follow his heart and his dreams and aim for the stars, and realize that the impossible is attainable with enough work and heart.
I'm not going to lie and say I don't want him to have a family someday, because I do. But if he decides that he is happier without a wife (or husband!) and children, then I will understand and secretly hope that he will change his mind. :)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Gardening itch
At about this time of year, each year I begin to miss my garden. I have played around with the idea of coming up something that allows me to have a winter garden for a few years now, but it just doesn't make sense to do anything when we could be moving anytime now...What I would really love are a set of cold frames, a greenhouse and a storage cellar. I think part of the reason I begin dreaming of my garden at this time of year is that I miss it! Right now I only have swiss chard and an artichoke plant left. My broccoli has frozen. I still have a lot of carrot plants that I left in the ground as a means of storage. The problem is for the past few years my garden has not been going well. I think I am still adjusting and learning about what it really takes to garden where the summer temperatures reach 110+ regularly throughout the summer. The winters here are cold, but not THAT cold and it seems like I could actually have a nice winter garden if I knew how. I think the answer to my problem would really be joining the Oasis Garden club here in town.
I have also been looking recently into more natural soil enhancment. I think a lot of my problem the past two years has been poor soil. I added manure, but that's it as far as amendments go. I don't want to use a fertilizer that is going to have serious ecological implications. The way that a lot of fertilizers are produced, as well as the consequences of their use are just too great a price to pay. I have done some research recently about how to naturally enhance soil. I think crop rotation plays a big part in it, as well as companion planting.
Here is a great website I found http://www.greenlivingtips.com/articles/158/1/Natural-fertilizer.html It seems like the easiest option for me would be to take a trip to the beach and gather some seaweed, take it home and work it into the soil. If only I could convince Elliot to let my put bags of seaweed into his car for the three hour car ride home from the beach!
Another aspect of gardening that I am dying to try is natural pest control. I have been just letting nature take it's course as far as pests go, which resulted in %50 of my tomato plants being consumed by cutworms over the course of two days. While I think that healthier plants will decrease the number of pests, so the seaweed fertilizer should help some with it, I also think that an army of cutworms could take down even a very healthy garden. My solution- beneficial bugs!! This is the package I'm thinking of buying when I get a good garden up and running again:
http://www.gardeners.com/Beneficial-Bugs-Garden-Pack/33-446,default,pd.html?SC=XNET8419
It is $39 for all these bugs, but you can get cheaper, smaller packages too, which I may end up doing. I wish Z was old enough to help me in the garden, or at least hang out with me while I worked. Maybe I can keep him in the new Mei Tai when it gets here. :) Next year I want to try some heirloom veggies, as well as some heat resistant ones. I have always wanted to grow some berries, but I wonder how well they would do here. We'll see!! I am craving the taste of a huge ripe Zebra tomato fresh from the garden on a slice of sourdough bread with some fresh mozzarella on top. Mmmmm....
Tonight it's asparagus, chicken and quinoa.
I have also been looking recently into more natural soil enhancment. I think a lot of my problem the past two years has been poor soil. I added manure, but that's it as far as amendments go. I don't want to use a fertilizer that is going to have serious ecological implications. The way that a lot of fertilizers are produced, as well as the consequences of their use are just too great a price to pay. I have done some research recently about how to naturally enhance soil. I think crop rotation plays a big part in it, as well as companion planting.
Here is a great website I found http://www.greenlivingtips.com/articles/158/1/Natural-fertilizer.html It seems like the easiest option for me would be to take a trip to the beach and gather some seaweed, take it home and work it into the soil. If only I could convince Elliot to let my put bags of seaweed into his car for the three hour car ride home from the beach!
Another aspect of gardening that I am dying to try is natural pest control. I have been just letting nature take it's course as far as pests go, which resulted in %50 of my tomato plants being consumed by cutworms over the course of two days. While I think that healthier plants will decrease the number of pests, so the seaweed fertilizer should help some with it, I also think that an army of cutworms could take down even a very healthy garden. My solution- beneficial bugs!! This is the package I'm thinking of buying when I get a good garden up and running again:
http://www.gardeners.com/Beneficial-Bugs-Garden-Pack/33-446,default,pd.html?SC=XNET8419
It is $39 for all these bugs, but you can get cheaper, smaller packages too, which I may end up doing. I wish Z was old enough to help me in the garden, or at least hang out with me while I worked. Maybe I can keep him in the new Mei Tai when it gets here. :) Next year I want to try some heirloom veggies, as well as some heat resistant ones. I have always wanted to grow some berries, but I wonder how well they would do here. We'll see!! I am craving the taste of a huge ripe Zebra tomato fresh from the garden on a slice of sourdough bread with some fresh mozzarella on top. Mmmmm....
Tonight it's asparagus, chicken and quinoa.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
We're home from Abq!!
We just got home from Albuquerque for Christmas late last night. We had a wonderful time, despite some unexpected family drama that has since smoothed itself over, at least temporarily. We got to see the people we love, some of which we had not seen in a very long time. It was great to see my sibling-in-laws, especially my sister-in-laws, to whom I am particularly close, and having never had a sister growing up, it is great to feel like I do now! Zach met several of his Uncles, and Aunt and great grandparents for the very first time, and he seemed to love them all. I think this trip helped him to become a little more comfortable being held by someone other than me, since he was passed around a lot.
Elliot (Tosh) and I had a wonderful date and went to the Frontier restaurant for breakfast. I had a wonderful green chile breakfast burrito, and we had some great conversation, and I wasn't worried a bit about Zach! I thought I would be, but I was confident in the ability of Molly, Treva and Suki, who took care of him for an hour or two. When we returned, he was napping peacefully in the stroller! :)
We had some fun adventures while visiting, including a train ride up to Santa Fe in the snow with Suki and Leba, (my sister-in-law and step mother-in-law). It was fun, and cold, and snowy. The four of us (Suki, Leba, Zach and I) also went to the Explora! Museum. If you live near Albuquerque and have a child I would HIGHLY recommend this museum. It is amazing and is like one big giant interactive science fair. There were whole huge sections of activities about wind, water, gravity, electricity, shapes, building, light, sound, music, nature, everything!! And it wasn't like a typical museum where you look at something and turn a knob or two, you could sit down at a table and build something, or manipulate the whole experiment. Take it apart, put it together, see how it works! If Z had been a year or two older, we could have spent a WEEK there! As it was his favorites were the "jumping" fountain and the gravity exhibit that was like a never ending Rube Goldberg project.
Sadly, we did not get a chance to take Zach to see santa, but he probably would have cried anyway, so no biggie. We are thinking of getting or making a santa suit for Elliot for next year. We had family portraits done, but since it is illegal to scan them, we will not be posting them for everyone to see. I guess you all will just have to visit us in order to see them- we will be having a party sometime soon, so that's more incentive to get you all out to visit us! Zach cried for most of the pictures, but I think there were a few good ones, and I know for certain there was a great one of Zach, Elliot (Tosh) and Grandpa Elliot (Elliot's grandfather). Treva was our Christmas angel and bought a copy of it for us, despite the exorbitant price tag.
We enjoyed many great meals, and fun games, and overall had a wonderful time.
Now to the gifts!! Zachary made out like a bandit and was SHOWERED with gifts from everyone. My favorites of his gifts were an adorable little red wagon with a push bar so he can learn to walk, an anamatronic roxking horse and many wodden toys!! He got some very cute clothes, A LOT of books and toys. I got a lot of presents as well. Art supplies, yarn, books, and many, MANY other wonderful things. Everyone was so generous this year and our car was PACKED on the way home. I received several gifts that are helping me to discover and learn about my newly discovered Jewish Heritage. Zach received his first menorah as well. I think I need to do some research about just what it means to be Jewish so that I am better informed. Perhaps I can convince my Aunt Robin to help me practice the traditions? ;) I know the Kosher Turkey we had sure was tasty!!
One of my most favorite gifts was from my wonderful husband and my father in law. Since they know I have been looking into Mei Tai carriers and DROOLING over them, and turning slighlty green with envy whenever I see a mama and baby happily wearing one, they BOUGHT ME ONE!!! I can not wait for it to get here! It is beautiful, black and white, so daddy can wear it too, and a very highly recommended brand. I am so thankful to have a husband who pays attention to what I am into, and then spends a whole day secretly shopping with his father all over Albuquerque to try and find it! Even though they had to buy it online in the end, all their hard work was very appreciated and I was totally surprised (and I'm hard to surprise!). I have the most wonderful husband, and he is so kind and sweet. I could not ask for a more dedicated and sensitive man in my life!
Despite the wonderful time I had, I am very glad to be home, in my own bed, with my doggies again. Zach does not nap well on vacation and is STILL sleeping! We are all tired, but in the best possible way. Today is a day for recovery, rest and grocery shopping! I hope everyone else had a splendid, family-filled holiday, with memories that will last forever in your hearts!! Much Love to all!!
I will be posting the pictures/videos I have as soon as I unpack my camera from the car and get them on my computer!!
Elliot (Tosh) and I had a wonderful date and went to the Frontier restaurant for breakfast. I had a wonderful green chile breakfast burrito, and we had some great conversation, and I wasn't worried a bit about Zach! I thought I would be, but I was confident in the ability of Molly, Treva and Suki, who took care of him for an hour or two. When we returned, he was napping peacefully in the stroller! :)
We had some fun adventures while visiting, including a train ride up to Santa Fe in the snow with Suki and Leba, (my sister-in-law and step mother-in-law). It was fun, and cold, and snowy. The four of us (Suki, Leba, Zach and I) also went to the Explora! Museum. If you live near Albuquerque and have a child I would HIGHLY recommend this museum. It is amazing and is like one big giant interactive science fair. There were whole huge sections of activities about wind, water, gravity, electricity, shapes, building, light, sound, music, nature, everything!! And it wasn't like a typical museum where you look at something and turn a knob or two, you could sit down at a table and build something, or manipulate the whole experiment. Take it apart, put it together, see how it works! If Z had been a year or two older, we could have spent a WEEK there! As it was his favorites were the "jumping" fountain and the gravity exhibit that was like a never ending Rube Goldberg project.
Sadly, we did not get a chance to take Zach to see santa, but he probably would have cried anyway, so no biggie. We are thinking of getting or making a santa suit for Elliot for next year. We had family portraits done, but since it is illegal to scan them, we will not be posting them for everyone to see. I guess you all will just have to visit us in order to see them- we will be having a party sometime soon, so that's more incentive to get you all out to visit us! Zach cried for most of the pictures, but I think there were a few good ones, and I know for certain there was a great one of Zach, Elliot (Tosh) and Grandpa Elliot (Elliot's grandfather). Treva was our Christmas angel and bought a copy of it for us, despite the exorbitant price tag.
We enjoyed many great meals, and fun games, and overall had a wonderful time.
Now to the gifts!! Zachary made out like a bandit and was SHOWERED with gifts from everyone. My favorites of his gifts were an adorable little red wagon with a push bar so he can learn to walk, an anamatronic roxking horse and many wodden toys!! He got some very cute clothes, A LOT of books and toys. I got a lot of presents as well. Art supplies, yarn, books, and many, MANY other wonderful things. Everyone was so generous this year and our car was PACKED on the way home. I received several gifts that are helping me to discover and learn about my newly discovered Jewish Heritage. Zach received his first menorah as well. I think I need to do some research about just what it means to be Jewish so that I am better informed. Perhaps I can convince my Aunt Robin to help me practice the traditions? ;) I know the Kosher Turkey we had sure was tasty!!
One of my most favorite gifts was from my wonderful husband and my father in law. Since they know I have been looking into Mei Tai carriers and DROOLING over them, and turning slighlty green with envy whenever I see a mama and baby happily wearing one, they BOUGHT ME ONE!!! I can not wait for it to get here! It is beautiful, black and white, so daddy can wear it too, and a very highly recommended brand. I am so thankful to have a husband who pays attention to what I am into, and then spends a whole day secretly shopping with his father all over Albuquerque to try and find it! Even though they had to buy it online in the end, all their hard work was very appreciated and I was totally surprised (and I'm hard to surprise!). I have the most wonderful husband, and he is so kind and sweet. I could not ask for a more dedicated and sensitive man in my life!
Despite the wonderful time I had, I am very glad to be home, in my own bed, with my doggies again. Zach does not nap well on vacation and is STILL sleeping! We are all tired, but in the best possible way. Today is a day for recovery, rest and grocery shopping! I hope everyone else had a splendid, family-filled holiday, with memories that will last forever in your hearts!! Much Love to all!!
I will be posting the pictures/videos I have as soon as I unpack my camera from the car and get them on my computer!!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Attachment parening
So I often feel like I have to justify my decision to use attachment parenting(AP) to those around me. In that light I have decided to explain a little bit about it so that people can at least understand (if not accept) my decision.
There are eight basic principles in AP. They are
1. Don't drink, smoke, eat unhealthfully while pregnant. Take childbirth/parenting classes.
2.Breastfeed if possible, on demand preferably.
3. If your baby needs something, figure it out. DO NOT let them cry it out. Be sensitive to the fact that you are your baby's sole source for everything. Learn your baby's different cries and respond in a way that is natural and instinctual.
4. Ensure adequate skin to skin time, adding in plenty of hug and cuddle time. This can be accomplished with breastfeeding, baby massage and baby wearing.
5. Many, MANY people who practice AP cosleep, or at least sleep in the same room as their baby. It is important to respond to what works best for your baby. If that is sleeping in a crib, then fine. If that is sleeping snuggled with mommy, that's fine too.
6. Number 6 is pretty self explanatory, emphasis on the consistent part. Baby's like ritual.
7. No spanking, yelling, ect. Discipline should be a natural and logical consequence of the behavior, not controlling and illogical.
8. Number 8 can have a lot of meanings, and is actually the one I struggle with the most.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting
To me the most important thing about AP is that you do what feels right. If letting your child scream at the top of his lungs in a crib in another room away from you feels right, be my guest. But no matter how much you tell me my life will be better if I also let him "cry it out", it doesn't feel right to me. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing what feels natural and good. When we have a bad night and Z doesn't sleep well, and I complain, this is not an invitation to say "I told you so". Not only is this not constructive, it doesn't serve any purpose. Even babies who sleep in a crib have bad nights.
Babywearing is one of the best choices I have ever made with Z. He cries less, learns more, and my back is much less sore. Someone told me "You'll spoil him if you put him in that too much." I disagree. He is happy, I'm happy so where is the spoiling? When he is older he'll be off running around and won't want me to hold him, and I don't want to regret missing out on time when we both would have been happier with him in my arms (or sling!)
Like I have said before the thing I struggle most with is balance in my life. I do think that I need more time to myself, but our lives are a work in progress, an unfinished mosaic of happy times, sad times and I cherish every moment because it is with the two loves of my life.
I am starting to let Z and Elliot find their own way together, their own dynamic. It is important for them to have a relationship that doesn't include me for many reasons, not the least of which is their future interactions should I die. I want them to find a relationship with one another that works for both of them, and to do that I have to remove myself from the picture from time to time.
Even though we are a work in progress, I am very tired of people judging the way I raise my son and live my life, and it's only been 6 months! I have made a pact to stop judging others in the hopes that they will do the same. Because no one knows what it is like to be me- to live in my shoes and with my family.
Whew! That was a bit of a rant and probably not intended for the people who are reading this blog. Anyhow, back to AP.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130500.asp
That is a link to a list of benefits of AP.
Baby:
Another thing many people ask is "How do the kids turn out?" Here is a site that gives some info http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130600.asp.
Granted this is just observational evidence, and not empirical data based on a double blind study, but it makes sense since kids mirror and mimic what adults around them do. The kids who are raise with AP tend to be more caring, sensitive, connected, confident, intelligent children. I am happy with my choice and the way my life is. I just wanted everyone to understand why I made the choice to parent Z the way I do and let them know that it is well thought out and researched. I have not meant this post to be offensive to anyone, and truly feel that each parent has to do what feels right for them, so if you raise(d) your kids differently and it works for you, great job! This is what works for us and we love it! :)
There are eight basic principles in AP. They are
- Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
- Feed with Love and Respect
- Respond with Sensitivity
- Use Nurturing Touch
- Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
- Provide Consistent Loving Care
- Practice Positive Discipline
- Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
1. Don't drink, smoke, eat unhealthfully while pregnant. Take childbirth/parenting classes.
2.Breastfeed if possible, on demand preferably.
3. If your baby needs something, figure it out. DO NOT let them cry it out. Be sensitive to the fact that you are your baby's sole source for everything. Learn your baby's different cries and respond in a way that is natural and instinctual.
4. Ensure adequate skin to skin time, adding in plenty of hug and cuddle time. This can be accomplished with breastfeeding, baby massage and baby wearing.
5. Many, MANY people who practice AP cosleep, or at least sleep in the same room as their baby. It is important to respond to what works best for your baby. If that is sleeping in a crib, then fine. If that is sleeping snuggled with mommy, that's fine too.
6. Number 6 is pretty self explanatory, emphasis on the consistent part. Baby's like ritual.
7. No spanking, yelling, ect. Discipline should be a natural and logical consequence of the behavior, not controlling and illogical.
8. Number 8 can have a lot of meanings, and is actually the one I struggle with the most.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting
To me the most important thing about AP is that you do what feels right. If letting your child scream at the top of his lungs in a crib in another room away from you feels right, be my guest. But no matter how much you tell me my life will be better if I also let him "cry it out", it doesn't feel right to me. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing what feels natural and good. When we have a bad night and Z doesn't sleep well, and I complain, this is not an invitation to say "I told you so". Not only is this not constructive, it doesn't serve any purpose. Even babies who sleep in a crib have bad nights.
Babywearing is one of the best choices I have ever made with Z. He cries less, learns more, and my back is much less sore. Someone told me "You'll spoil him if you put him in that too much." I disagree. He is happy, I'm happy so where is the spoiling? When he is older he'll be off running around and won't want me to hold him, and I don't want to regret missing out on time when we both would have been happier with him in my arms (or sling!)
Like I have said before the thing I struggle most with is balance in my life. I do think that I need more time to myself, but our lives are a work in progress, an unfinished mosaic of happy times, sad times and I cherish every moment because it is with the two loves of my life.
I am starting to let Z and Elliot find their own way together, their own dynamic. It is important for them to have a relationship that doesn't include me for many reasons, not the least of which is their future interactions should I die. I want them to find a relationship with one another that works for both of them, and to do that I have to remove myself from the picture from time to time.
Even though we are a work in progress, I am very tired of people judging the way I raise my son and live my life, and it's only been 6 months! I have made a pact to stop judging others in the hopes that they will do the same. Because no one knows what it is like to be me- to live in my shoes and with my family.
Whew! That was a bit of a rant and probably not intended for the people who are reading this blog. Anyhow, back to AP.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130500.asp
That is a link to a list of benefits of AP.
Baby:
- is more trusting
- feels more competent
- grows better
- feels right, acts right
- is better organized
- learns language more easily
- establishes healthy independence
- learns intimacy
- learns to give and receive love
PARENTS
- become more confident
- are more sensitive
- can read baby's cues
- respond intuitively
- flow with baby's temperament
- find discipline easier
- become keen observers
- know baby's competencies and preferences
- know which advice to take and which to disregard
RELATIONSHIP
Parents and baby experience: - mutual sensitivity
- mutual giving
- mutual shaping of behavior
- mutual trust
- feelings of connectedness
- more flexibility
- more lively interactions
- brings out the best in each other
Another thing many people ask is "How do the kids turn out?" Here is a site that gives some info http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130600.asp.
Granted this is just observational evidence, and not empirical data based on a double blind study, but it makes sense since kids mirror and mimic what adults around them do. The kids who are raise with AP tend to be more caring, sensitive, connected, confident, intelligent children. I am happy with my choice and the way my life is. I just wanted everyone to understand why I made the choice to parent Z the way I do and let them know that it is well thought out and researched. I have not meant this post to be offensive to anyone, and truly feel that each parent has to do what feels right for them, so if you raise(d) your kids differently and it works for you, great job! This is what works for us and we love it! :)
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